I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
