Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
