My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
there is glitter all over my balls
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
