I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
