Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
