I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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