this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
