I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
