my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
