So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
