Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
