apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
