Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
