He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
