At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
