No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
