yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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