I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
