I think my fart just growled at me.
Farmville is her only friend.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
