Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
