Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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