what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
