I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
