Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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