In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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