they need to just BURY HIM!
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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