i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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