Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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