There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
