I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize