sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You are a genius and a whore.
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