Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
