My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
