yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
