Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
