So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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