Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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