I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
