You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Four minutes until I can fart!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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