No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize