Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
