I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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