How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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