did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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