I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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