She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
