is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
