just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
