everyone is single if you try hard enough
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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