I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
