remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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