What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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