oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
