I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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