I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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