she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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