I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
