His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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