you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Can you bring me the toilet please
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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