I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize