Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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