it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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