I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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