I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
