Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm at about main and main street
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
