idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
you never un-have a 4some
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
