census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
