The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
