She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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