either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
