She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
