he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
