non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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