But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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