I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
