I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
