Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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