You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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